The Mesh of a sirens song.

Armitage Siren

Sometimes it's not about the money.
Sometimes it is about the quality of a man.

Every person has bad and good qualities. And sometimes it's about whether two people can mesh and make it work in the bad times. For the last three months, maybe more I have had this man pursuing me that is not Nick.

I have had a large amount of pressure placed on me, about what and who might be better for me. I have done some thinking and today I'm being honest with myself about what and who I want in my life.

Nick is a drinker. Nick is young. But he is a good man. He does not come with a lot of money and he sorely tries my patience sometimes. But we mesh well. He loves to have fun, he makes me laugh my ass off. He loves to eat good food. He likes to cook, garden, read. He is smart and educated. He is thrilled to watch a Disney movie. He is watching Downton Abbey with me. I just like the guy.
Actually I love the guy.

So when there is pressure about "this so called better man for me" from the locals. Is it really true? How does anybody else know what is really best for me, besides me.

Today I changed my haircolor, to a deep brown red... Have you ever had the experience of or heard the term a sirens calling.. siren song? The term "siren song" refers to an appeal that is hard to resist but that, if heeded, will lead to a bad conclusion. Well this evening I walked downtown to get the mail and Nick was at the Pasttime so I stopped in and said hi. He was happy to see me. Everybody was happy to see me. He had to make some phone calls and stepped outside, I had a package to deliver and stepped outside as well and mentioned that I was going to deliver it. I walked up to the Eagles and the person that I was going to deliver the package to happened to be driving down the street. I handed him the package and he drove along side me as I walked. Flirting. Suddenly from behind me there is another man hollering at me and following me. Flirting. I walk back to Nick and have all these men following me. Is it the change in hair color? 

Back into the bar and it is suddenly a gaggle of men, trying to grab my attention. I blush and become flustered as everybody makes comments about the men following me as well.  Tonight, thinking back on it, reflecting on it I think of the term siren, I don't care much for the "bad end" part of it, so I also think about other ways to follow..dogs chasing a scent and bee's to honey. 

But in all honesty what made these men follow and pursue me so blatantly when I'm taken?

Nick left with me and he is the one I want to follow me.

You don't become a legend without a fight.

I have been watching the new series from the History Channel, Vikings. Pretty good shit. That is one of the time periods I enjoy exploring and reading about. The show is filmed in Ireland as well. It's also cool that I can watch it free on Hulu when I don't have regular television.

Between work, yard and the man I have been pretty busy this spring. We have been making plenty of babies...Our joke... Since we will most likely not have children together. In my dining room placed on the floor is a litter of containers growing garden starts. "Our babies."
This week they have just gone nuts. Yesterday we had to move the beans and peas to bigger pots and if the weather is good the kids are put outside to play.

Brussel Sprouts
Beans
Peas
Strawberries
Blackberries
Rasberries
Basil
Thyme
Oregano
Spinach
Cucumber
Sunflower

These are the ones I can think of without getting up to look. Nick has also built and installed two of the four raised beds we have planned. I have always enjoyed gardens. Just never have I done one with quite so much precision, planning and work.

Nick heads out to Alaska in just a short while. So we are trying to get all this done before he leaves. In my neighborhood there are many gardens. I can walk down the sidewalk or the alley and see many ideas and locations. In recent years my yard had become the host to wilderness. Slowly we have tamed the beast. Somebody asked me recently..what are you going to do when it's done? What will you do with your time?

"Maintenance... but also some relaxing in it."

The plan is to have barbeques, parties and live music on the starpad.

Landscaped

Lovely is how pliable the earth is right now in my yard. The shovel slices through the dirt, like a fork through chocolate cake. It crumbles, it is rich in color a dense dark chocolate so moist and rich and so very malleable. I have cut swathes of steps, walls and terraces in my backyard.

Spring comes and goes, winter comes and goes... they are playing ping pong with each other. This week it is winter and it has snowed every day. I'm at that point in winter when the tease and taunt of the spring days we have had, make it painful to have snow and wind. Eager to get out there again.

Hugs and Rugs

The most striking memorable moment of being in the moment was the group that gathered. There are core groups that meet, live and enjoy the life of a small town. This was a gathering composed of all of those to celebrate a woman's life. It was amazing how she had touched every single core group and every person there, she had somehow touched their lives. We should all hope to achieve that kind of memorial service. Whether it was her kindness, her art or her friendship. She mattered and it showed.
The brick room was full of people saddened at her loss but happy to celebrate her life.

Molly Palmer of the bewitching blue eyes died on Monday March 4th. There was Jameson on hand, wine and two kegs of beer. People gathered in the renovated NWI building to celebrate her life. Two long rows of food and a separate section of dessert. Molly would have blushed and said "This all is for me?"

I looked around the room at her woven rugs hanging from the walls and railings and then at the group of people and thought, I want to achieve this. I want to live a life well and be remembered with such love.

I worked with Molly for three years at the Post Office, and would cover for her while she was on vacation. When I left the Post Office it was to take the job at the City of Roslyn. There I worked with her husband Joe for three years. It was during this time that they sold my house to me. They had many low ball offers, but Joe accepted mine and I purchased the last good deal in Roslyn. I planned to renovate the house as it was, and Joe and Molly liked that and sold it to me.

She made beautiful rugs and one summer just before they went on vacation I visited their house so that I could take care of their garden while they were gone. I got a tour of the looms, the garden, the house. Her garden was fabulous and the looms even more so. I have one of her rugs, it is beautiful and has traveled with me. The last time I saw Molly was at the grand opening of "Made in Roslyn." We hugged and I introduced her and Joe to Nick. She had submitted rugs and I a watercolor of 5th Street.

At the service Jen spoke of Molly and her three hug rule. Hug those around you and the people you are sharing your life with. As I sat with a group of people I have known and loved in Roslyn, throughout the afternoon I sat in the same place but people would come and set and the characters of Roslyn would change at my table. I hugged many of them, because I have shared my life with them and as we left for the day we were asked to take pots of flowers to plant and remember her by.

I selected the primroses that had sat at my table and will plant them in Molly's other yard that is now mine. I made plans to help Joe in his garden in the spring, Lani who had guided us at the Post Office had made a suggestion when I asked what should I do for him? He will be heart broken without her. What should I do? She in her infinite wisdom said, in my experience it is best to set a date two months from now to stop in and visit him. So I offered to come over and help in the garden, he said that would be wonderful, but you don't have to wait for that day to visit. He is right.

It was beautiful and she would have gushed and blushed. "This all for me? Oh you guys." The place was packed and her rugs and art were everywhere. Two sections of food and another whole one of just desserts, then the bar in another separate area, well stocked with Jameson and wine, Ball jars filled with Roslyn water and two kegs of beer.

I sat with the Beardsleys, Maria and Dino and the thought that kept coming to mind was "I want to achieve this."

We ate and talked and caught up and I saw so many people and different generations. It was just a beautiful memorial. Joe's five sisters were there and Molly's oldest brother surrounded by all the lives she had touched. After everyone ate, her closest friends spoke and the stories were amazing followed by a slide show with her favorite songs. Then the community could speak and share. Oh and this was preceded by a toast of Jameson by all in little dixie cups. After this the local musicians gathered and played. People came and went. All the generations and core groups that form or have formed Roslyn were there. Just beautiful and she would have been tickled pink but embarrassed just the same.

One of the most entertaining moments... Jan Skiba came and sat at our table and mentioned asking Stan if he thought her new haircut made her look like a lesbian. (It was my first thought when i saw her.) Then she talked about Joe, being single now and what a great catch he was with all that gorgeous red hair. 

But winter beckons

Thursday Jim and Kelly arrive to help me move the last two piles of tree limbs. The snow flakes swirl around us as we work, sometimes they stick and sometimes they don't. After we finish we head off to dump the load and go to lunch. When I come home I light a fire in my fire pit and start burning yard debris. Looking around in satisfaction they yard keeps getting better and better. A couple more loads and I will have it under control... with a plan.

Then Friday roles around, along with a snowstorm. Saturday it snows all day as well. Winter has not forgotten us. But at least when it melts I will be a step ahead of the game.

I also started writing snippets of a new book, with regards to the dream that I mentioned. On a day off why is it so hard to pick one thing to do? Is it guilt? 

Spring has Sprung

Time progresses.

I woke from a dream the other day, vague but intoxicating. The snippet of it as I came to consciousness, intriguing me in wonder and surprise. The premise? A woman who owns a whore house in post apocalyptic Utah. She builds her house of ill repute next door to a man who owns a livery. A man to protect her and the woman she employs. He was furious in the dream, that of all the property she owns she located her business next to his. She did it for security and because he was sexy.

Interesting dream I thought eyes closed and melted back into it to make it stick, comfortable under the weight of the quilt I made and the heft of the down comforter on top of that. The flash of it all. Dreams are that fast just seconds most of the time.

Today is like that morning I have gone back to bed after seeing Nick of to go fishing with his buddy Corey. I lay under the warmth of the covers in the chilled house. I have a rare day of no plans and alone with myself for a change of pace. What to do? It is sunny outside and the snow has all but gone in the last week. In February this is rare and Spring has come very early. Yard work? Write? Cook? Entertain? Friends? Lay around and watch movies? So many choices and so therefore I wander about the house trying to figure it out and achieving nothing.

This dream is in my mind all the time; haunting me and trying to figure it out... pulling it together for some kind of book, I think that I might write... and some great sentences come to mind from some recent conversations.

I'm going to grow old with you. The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. No sometimes the grass is lush and verdant.

I treat myself to McDonald's figuring if I eat, I will get motivated. I also make three phone calls to friends....nobody answers I leave messages. As I munch on my lunch on a dirt side road I call my sister she answers and we catch up. She tells me Miss O had made a request, to see the house Nick worked on when we visited last Saturday. Very cute. She has an epic crush on the guy. He is pretty damn cute and special. We finish up our conversation and I head home to work in the yard. As the sun sets and the sky darkens I head into the house to finish this blog. Nick and I plan to make pizza and watch a movie. I have achieved most of the things I wanted to do today.

Also

I forgot Christmas, Seahawk Sundays, two brawls, Big Jim and Bill. Now they have passed by and we are well into the New Year. So perhaps I will make some time to talk about all this stuff. But this is a note to flag my memory and also to not forget that it happened.