Corridor to Curador

Photo 'Night Magic'

Worked on my painting the night scene. Susannah a character in Curador paints nights scenes and I have always been awed by the beauty and thought of them. In the last year I have taken some cool night shots for the book Curador after dinner at Endolyne Joe's and since I moved back home my creativity and longing to paint has me starting a painting from one of the scenes in the book. Now while I wait for editing methinks I will do a series of paintings from the photo's for the book.
Did I mention the fact that I'm painting this by holding my cell phone in my hand and looking at the photo 'Night Magic'.

God it is good to be home; surrounded by creativity and people that think in the way I do. I had a fabulous conversation with a dear friend today; Ginger. And it was absolutely enlightening for both of us to realize we are so much alike. Putting ourselves to sleep as children with our own elaborate stories and characters. A deep love of research and the odd fact. Just so happy with my day. 

Week 1 'Corridor to Curador'

Week 2 'Corridor to Curador'

Vicious Cycles

Been trying to identify why I can't sleep suddenly. Why my metrics are suffering at work. Identified it this morning. It is the vicious cycle of the WFH fiasco, financial statements and an eighteen year old that thinks shit should be handed to him on a silver platter.

Deep breath and let the stress out. Take a nap and ignore the phone. I fill like I have drank a shitload of coffee and I have never even drank a single cup of the stuff in my life. But at least it is identified and sometimes that is half the battle, then you can work through it and find solutions.

Also bereft; from lack of characters in my life. The editing leaves me bereft and so damn jittery I cannot seem to focus on the others. So what to do? Focus; write about something..anything and find a new job? Also let the eighteen year old sink or swim and hopefully he will swim to the Navy, and they can teach him some tough shit.  Oh and the taking of that nap I need already.

Painting...

Today I plan to do another activity in my life that is like breathing and so many times I forget too or don't make the time to do it. Painting. I think I'm going with oil.

 

Hung out with those friends of olden days at the Gallery and painted. Started an oil of a night photo taken when I was creating "Curador" in my mind. No it is not a train coming down the tracks. The paint was just to wet to lay in the next layer.

Then I went on a little revealing jaunt. But it might be to personal to explain here other than I will say, "I value your opinion and friendship." Stated to the lad near and dear and meant it and left it. I after many months really know that I want a man that thinks I'm the shit.

I did interview him for insight into a man's mind and one of the things I liked best that he said, "never trust a woman that doesn't masturbate."

The morel of the story

Always, always: garden of my agony, your body elusive always, the blood of your veins in my mouth, your mouth already lightless for my death. "Gacela of Unforeseen love" Federico Garcia Lorca, Translated by W.S. Merwin

Loved this quote from my wicked morning yesterday.
The work week has been short with the extra day off and suddenly it is garbage day and tomorrow is my Friday. Sweet! Still no word on the exact date of the move to the VCC, waiting ever so patiently.

Have taken a break from writing and feel sad about it, so probably will find something to work on and immerse self in besides assisting with a Senior report. Bereft; I love that word and it's fitting, my life without writing or characters in my head. Since November I have gotten accustomed to writing from 8-10 am and then started adding to the time as needed. So now I'm fully trained and find it hard to step back, but I'm doing it for a minute or so.

Morel hunting

I went mushroom hunting, for morels this past Sunday and have bruises from a stunt. The tree let me down and not gently either. Picture this; there is a beautiful mushroom that lays beyond a tree, in a copse, heavily surrounded by other trees and bushes. The mushroom buried ever so slightly in leaves and forest debris, but I can see it and I can smell it. In front of me is a large limb, branching out from a tree at stomach height. There is no other way in; besides crawling and yeah, not going to crawl through the bramble with the echoes of "careful for ticks, they are bad this season," ringing in my head from Karen at Sportland earlier in the morning.

I carefully lay my stomach on the thick branch that rises alongside and above this area about three feet and delicately balance myself on my stomach to lean out to grab the mushroom. Suspended in the air. Feet floating behind me and arms in front as I stretch and reach for the mushroom just beyond my fingertips. I imagine I might look like I'm a gymnast on uneven bars, ever so carefully I redistribute my weight so that I can lower my top half closer to the mushroom.

The limb cracks and breaks and drops me to the ground, flat. "Oof" I say then start giggling then move on to laughing.

Number 61 is behind me still betraying me for extra credit and starts laughing too. "What the hell are you doing? Are you okay?"  

As I was dropped closer to the mushroom, and a majority of the tree is no longer in the way, I rise to my knees' brushing myself off and pick the mushroom. "Yes," laughing I reply, "I'm okay, just could not reach it without going that route".

Number 61 was told by one of his teachers that if he went mushroom hunting he could bring them in for extra credit. WRONG in so many ways! My secret location, raided for prized mushrooms and turned into a teacher for extra credit.

Births & Holidays

Headed to my sisters to drop my Mom off for her flight to China. We stopped halfway in the trek..at my house. My that sounded wonderful.... Another bit of noteworthy news I finished the book! The chapter layout is final and just the smoothing of some edges is needed.

May the Fourth brought Gabsteroni's first birthday. She is sure damn cute and funny. To watch her crawl to her little spot she sits in, and then see her sneak out and steal something of her sisters and her laughing at own wickedness as she crawls back into the spot was priceless!

May the Fourth be with you!

Sap

Holy holy, that last post was pure and sappy. But hey I guess it was what I was feeling that day. Today I'm thrilled with my new office and the desire to finish Curador. Took a picture of the new office after making #61 a healthy breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast and hash browns. He spent the night and we spent more time looking for a movie to watch then taking the time to watch it.

Lovely morning in the hood. Mt. Baldy is still casting off cool breezes till the snow melts, but the day is sunny and I'm writing this blog from my house and even with the panic of budget deficit and muttering the only thing I can think of "God will provide." I'm absolutely thrilled to be in my own digs with my stuff surrounding me.

This is the third weekend in my house and I have one more full day in it, before I have to make that bittersweet trek back to the desert. Today's agenda is to write, deep clean, maybe do some more yard work. It's daunting to look at all the projects I really need to work on; my house needs painted, the yard needs a serious amount of work, staining needs to be done and then more staining needs to be done, wood floors need to be installed and then some more staining needs to be done.

The brisk mountain air makes me excited and tired all in the same breath. It's good to be home. Life has come full circle and yes the answers lie here. The big question of the day yesterday was; is my intuition of feeling all these emotions towards a man, intuition or a portent of understanding him and myself better and finally coming full circle. I know that I cannot live without him in my life he is to good of a friend and we have been writing for months now but will that change or just be what it is.

It just happens.

Oh my it has been a while...

But have been busy... so very busy. Moving back into my house, working and commuting, research and writing and maybe falling in love with self, life and hope.

I just finished my favorite authors (Barbara O'Neal's) new book titled the 'The Garden of Happy Endings.' It instilled hope, faith and love for all things in my life. Just a beautiful book she has written, yet once again.

I have been writing and keeping in touch with that someone so special to me, he makes me ache with wanting him in my life so very badly. Everyday upon waking his name is on my lips, every night I whisper an endearment to him so far away. Every night before I fall asleep I wish and say "show me." Only to awake with the feeling of not being shown, but thinking of him and saying his name without dreaming of him. Strange... but so very me.

Long days of figuring things out. Long days of learning to let go of manipulation. Letting things just be and being patient toward living into the answers. They will come.