Gossip is idle talk or rumor about the personal or private affairs of others. It is one of the oldest and most common means of sharing facts, views and slander.
Of late; there are vicious rumors, rooms full of them, that abound and taunt. A vicious cycle. A vicious circle. How does one keep faith? How does one get any sleep?
I find myself at the heart of it, defending someone I care about very much. So what could be worse than gossip? That is simply the word doubt. My brain swirls, turns and bumps into things all night. Do you know that bump I'm talking about? You are just about to sleep, and you bump into a thought and all hell breaks loose in your head and you jump back into yourself with a jolt like you have bumped into a wall.
Last night I tossed and turned, rolled and sighed all night long. Doubt, jealousy and a bit of rage at this place I'm suddenly living in, in my life. Doubting what I know, doubting what he says. Wishing to have the old 'happy place' days back because I'm terrified to trust him enough to trust him. Because that little nagging bitch, called doubt is killing my trust that I'm so terrified will be thrown in my face like those meth lies of old.
It makes doubt winning over truth and I don't want it too. Popping Tums like candy to settle it.
People approaching me in a "delicate" manner. People asking out of concern. People just fucking talking. Questioning me with their opinion of what is going on. Wanting to know, wanting to share. I fucking hate it. Interlopers, seemingly trying to make me aware of something I'm well aware of for crying out loud.
But who is the worse threat, really?
Him
Her
Myself
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