How could you not know.

This line is often used in situations most people do not want to find themselves in. A friend, policeman or loved one might ask this. "How could you not know?" That your husband has been raping and killing woman. How could you not know your son was on heroin? How could you not know your wife was cheating on you? How could you not know your husband was molesting your daughters?"

All questions we ask of others. All questions we ask of ourselves.

I was watching 'Broadchurch' on Netflix recently and it brought this same question up in the last show. How could the mother not know her husband was raping her daughter, the policewoman asked a woman that was being questioned about a recent crime this same question about the crimes in her past.

The woman just looked at her unable to answer.

At the end of the show the policewoman herself is blindsided by the fact her own husband has killed a neighbor child (the recent crime mentioned above). The child's Mother a close friend said to the policewoman as they meet after her husband has been arrested "How could you not know."

Chills ran down my arms as I heard that line again. I may have mentioned it or said it in my own life. It has been said to me. In that moment on the show she got it, I got it, maybe the world got it. 

The fact is maybe you just don't know sometimes and it's not for lack of love or inattention. We have jobs that we commute to and are away from the house and you are trusting someone you love to be the same in kind.

"A man just wants a woman to love him. 
A woman just wants a man to not kill her."

'The Fall: Netlix'