Broken

I woke in the morning dreaming of Marshawn Lynch singing to me. The beat and words of that irritating song "It's all about the bass no treble" stuck in my head. But Marshawn was singing it as "It's all about that action boss, no trouble."

The day progressed and Shannon and Mario arrived at the house with goodies and a bigger television. Then in the last two minutes of the game our hopes are so high being at the one yard line area and ready to hopefully have a touchdown. I stand at the stove and say "hand it to Marshawn, hand it to Marshawn" and instead it is thrown and intercepted.

Stunned deathly quiet we all sit heartbroken for a long time.

It's been that kind of a week, month, year.

I was full of hope by taking the man back in my life we would have a second chance. But other than friendship he has no interest. I'm quiet and think of myself as stoic but he calls it passive aggressive. I look up the true meaning of what that means. Yeah maybe I'm passive aggressive and it reminds me of the scene I wrote in Curador where the words come down to simple things; angry, sad, happy, mad, guilty. I just have to work through things till I find what is the cause and I clam up till I figure it out.

I'm sad, hurt and angry I have wasted my time with a man that does not find me attractive nor does he love me. If I'm passive aggressive in his mind, in my mind he is incapable of deep affection and moves through life using people so that he does not have to live life. What does that make him?

Broken.