"If I quieted the voices in my head I would face the day with nothing to write."

“The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is that you really want to say.” Mark Twain.

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”
― Roald Dahl
Key:
G-Unit=Grandpa
FLS=Favorite Little Sister
Sassy Red head=Shana
True Friend=Laura
Mermaid/Slo/Tripod/Chickas=Shannon 1

Spanish Princess/Tripod/Chicka/Vette =Yvette
#61=Youngest son
Mickey Blue Eyes=Oldest son.
BFTP (Blast from the past)/The last Frontier=gone
Big Jim as himself
Vitamin C as himself
G-Man=Garth/Bossman.

Nick as himself

Monday, May 28, 2012

Parts

Okay, what could make me part with that beloved painting? Beloved Mickey Blue Eyes. It is not often one of my children are so enamored of a painting that they want it as well. So with much sadness and yet pride that he likes it so much, it is his. He even posted it on Facebook.

My peeps came to visit for the holiday weekend. Much fun. Many bruises.


Friday, May 25, 2012

Sirens Call

'So make your sirens call'.
'And I need to know how to live my life as it's meant to be'.

Good lines to good songs.
Listening to Mumford and Sons while having a late lunch; a cup of tea and some animal cookies.
It's my weekend again and just got back from finishing my painting. Had to bring it home wet, but I was extra careful with the Mum's car... all the paint got on me I believe. I think the picture does not do it justice, because the colors are much more vibrant in person and the size of it is also deceptive. But here it is below anyway.

It's mine.

'Collect your courage and collect your horse and pray you never feel the same type of remorse'.

It's mine, I'm keeping this one.
Once in a while a painting means more than others to me and there is not much that could make me part with this one. Something to do with the deep meaning behind the photo I took. The location and what it all makes me feel. To me this painting is the culmination of a great love affair with a good and beautiful man that led me to finishing my first complete book.

'But there will a come a time you'll see
with no more tears and love will not break your heart
but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see,
what you find there with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair'.

A deep thank you to VitaminC for all the things you gave me, even though you cannot be mine.
Also a love of a house with a turret that overlooks the Sound near my favorite restaurant. In the photo I took; just in the upper corner, hidden in the night is the turret.
I know it is there.
As we walked up this private street in the gloaming and I stopped; grabbed my phone to take a photo, because the light and shadows were unbelievable. I felt so much magic in the night air.
The beginning of the book melting into me and through my veins.

'Corrupted by the simple sniff of riches blown
I know you have felt much more love than you've shown'. 

Week 3


Sunday, May 20, 2012

June 10th

June 10th is my scheduled deployment date. Finally.

In the moment.

Last night I left my house to attend the house warming party of my former renters. Their new place is within walking distance of my house. I visited with the neighbors and friends while I was waiting for Mickey Blue Eyes to get off work and come hang out with his Mom. The food was good though and I wanted to write about these rolls she made. They were homemade, and smelled of yeast. Perfect rolls lightly browned on the outside with that little spot perfect for your fingers to break it open in the middle. I broke it open and lowered my head to inhale the scent. The first roll looked so good I ate it plain. The flavor of butter and yeast soft on the inside. Later I went back to have another, and just in time there was one left. This one I pulled apart and put horseradish on because now sitting on the table was homemade roast beef. I added some greens from a salad and closed the sandwich and headed back outside to sit upon the orange bench that matched the house to eat it in the evening. Kids playing around me and an occasional rain drop landed on my hands. Memorial weekend is coming and the good weather always makes a quick exit before the holiday weekend and we are right on track for that to happen as two more drops of rain hit my other hand.

I walked down their driveway, my boots making a solid clack as they do when I walk with purpose, I called Mickey and headed home. We made plans over the phone as I walked the short distance back to my house; to watch a movie, so I needed to walk down to the post office in Roslyn and pick up the movie that had arrived in the mail earlier in the day, 'Paul'. I dropped my drink off and did my quick jaunt to the PO. Once I was home again, I was restless and noticed the house warming party had started a fire. Brilliant, I thought I'm going to burn too. It won't be much longer that we can burn, so now would be a good time to start working on my accumulated piles and leavings of the pruning of my tree's. There is something soothing about using pruners and burning your own yard debris. I started my fire and gathered stuff to fill my pit. I have this little dryer drum that is a great burn pit. The renters had buried it and placed rocks around it. I burned until he arrived; filled with melancholy to have to leave in the morning and more so when I tell him and he replies, "Yeah I like it when you are here too."

Another day to burn, awaits.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Corridor to Curador


Photo 'Night Magic'
Worked on my painting the night scene. Susannah a character in Curador paints nights scenes and I have always been awed by the beauty and thought of them. In the last year I have taken some cool night shots for the book Curador after dinner at Endolyne Joe's and since I moved back home my creativity and longing to paint has me starting a painting from one of the scenes in the book. Now while I wait for editing methinks I will do a series of paintings from the photo's for the book.
Did I mention the fact that I'm painting this by holding my cell phone in my hand and looking at the photo 'Night Magic'.

God it is good to be home; surrounded by creativity and people that think in the way I do. I had a fabulous conversation with a dear friend today; Ginger. And it was absolutely enlightening for both of us to realize we are so much alike. Putting ourselves to sleep as children with our own elaborate stories and characters. A deep love of research and the odd fact. Just so happy with my day. 

Week 1 'Corridor to Curador'
Week 2 'Corridor to Curador'

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Vicious Cycles

Been trying to identify why I can't sleep suddenly. Why my metrics are suffering at work. Identified it this morning. It is the vicious cycle of the WFH fiasco, financial statements and an eighteen year old that thinks shit should be handed to him on a silver platter.

Deep breath and let the stress out. Take a nap and ignore the phone. I fill like I have drank a shitload of coffee and I have never even drank a single cup of the stuff in my life. But at least it is identified and sometimes that is half the battle, then you can work through it and find solutions.

Also bereft; from lack of characters in my life. The editing leaves me bereft and so damn jittery I cannot seem to focus on the others. So what to do? Focus; write about something..anything and find a new job? Also let the eighteen year old sink or swim and hopefully he will swim to the Navy, and they can teach him some tough shit.  Oh and the taking of that nap I need already.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Painting...

Today I plan to do another activity in my life that is like breathing and so many times I forget too or don't make the time to do it. Painting. I think I'm going with oil.


Hung out with those friends of olden days at the Gallery and painted. Started an oil of a night photo taken when I was creating "Curador" in my mind. No it is not a train coming down the tracks. The paint was just to wet to lay in the next layer.

Then I went on a little revealing jaunt. But it might be to personal to explain here other than I will say, "I value your opinion and friendship." Stated to the lad near and dear and meant it and left it. I after many months really know that I want a man that thinks I'm the shit.


I did interview him for insight into a man's mind and one of the things I liked best that he said, "never trust a woman that doesn't masturbate."



Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The morel of the story

Always, always: garden of my agony, your body elusive always, the blood of your veins in my mouth, your mouth already lightless for my death. "Gacela of Unforeseen love" Federico Garcia Lorca, Translated by W.S. Merwin

Loved this quote from my wicked morning yesterday.
The work week has been short with the extra day off and suddenly it is garbage day and tomorrow is my Friday. Sweet! Still no word on the exact date of the move to the VCC, waiting ever so patiently.

Have taken a break from writing and feel sad about it, so probably will find something to work on and immerse self in besides assisting with a Senior report. Bereft; I love that word and it's fitting, my life without writing or characters in my head. Since November I have gotten accustomed to writing from 8-10 am and then started adding to the time as needed. So now I'm fully trained and find it hard to step back, but I'm doing it for a minute or so.

Morel hunting

I went mushroom hunting, for morels this past Sunday and have bruises from a stunt. The tree let me down and not gently either. Picture this; there is a beautiful mushroom that lays beyond a tree, in a copse, heavily surrounded by other trees and bushes. The mushroom buried ever so slightly in leaves and forest debris, but I can see it and I can smell it. In front of me is a large limb, branching out from a tree at stomach height. There is no other way in; besides crawling and yeah, not going to crawl through the bramble with the echoes of "careful for ticks, they are bad this season," ringing in my head from Karen at Sportland earlier in the morning.

I carefully lay my stomach on the thick branch that rises alongside and above this area about three feet and delicately balance myself on my stomach to lean out to grab the mushroom. Suspended in the air. Feet floating behind me and arms in front as I stretch and reach for the mushroom just beyond my fingertips. I imagine I might look like I'm a gymnast on uneven bars, ever so carefully I redistribute my weight so that I can lower my top half closer to the mushroom.

The limb cracks and breaks and drops me to the ground, flat. "Oof" I say then start giggling then move on to laughing.

Number 61 is behind me still betraying me for extra credit and starts laughing too. "What the hell are you doing? Are you okay?"  

As I was dropped closer to the mushroom, and a majority of the tree is no longer in the way, I rise to my knees' brushing myself off and pick the mushroom. "Yes," laughing I reply, "I'm okay, just could not reach it without going that route".

Number 61 was told by one of his teachers that if he went mushroom hunting he could bring them in for extra credit. WRONG in so many ways! My secret location, raided for prized mushrooms and turned into a teacher for extra credit.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Births & Holidays

Headed to my sisters to drop my Mom off for her flight to China. We stopped halfway in the trek..at my house. My that sounded wonderful.... Another bit of noteworthy news I finished the book! The chapter layout is final and just the smoothing of some edges is needed.

May the Fourth brought Gabsteroni's first birthday. She is sure damn cute and funny. To watch her crawl to her little spot she sits in, and then see her sneak out and steal something of her sisters and her laughing at own wickedness as she crawls back into the spot was priceless!

May the Fourth be with you!