"If I quieted the voices in my head I would face the day with nothing to write."

“The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is that you really want to say.” Mark Twain.

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”
― Roald Dahl
Key:
G-Unit=Grandpa
FLS=Favorite Little Sister
Sassy Red head=Shana
True Friend=Laura
Mermaid/Slo/Tripod/Chickas=Shannon 1

Spanish Princess/Tripod/Chicka/Vette =Yvette
#61=Youngest son
Mickey Blue Eyes=Oldest son.
BFTP (Blast from the past)/The last Frontier=gone
Big Jim as himself
Vitamin C as himself
G-Man=Garth/Bossman.

Nick as himself

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Bombs and coincidences.

I'm deeply involved in my book and even more deeply involved in my research. It looks like a bomb has gone off in my office.

Today I just have to say I really love something about myself. For the last couple of days I have been as I said submersed in my writing and research. This thing about myself that I love....I'm a huge fan of travel journals and make one for each and every trip I take.

Coincidence: The story takes place in Boston and Northern Ireland. Northern Ireland was a given when I wanted to write about a woman raised in the Irish Republican Army but I hemmed and hawed about the U.S. location she would be sent too, to locate a mole to the CIA for gun running and arms shipments to Northern Ireland. New York, Boston, Chicago were the places I was pondering. I finally settled on Boston it just seemed right.

While researching ideas and locations. I print pages of notes from the web. I have pages of these notes on Boston that I printed out three years ago when I first started the actual writing and visualization of this book. I have pages of printed Irish and Gaelic names, IRA history. Irish History. I purchase books all the time that intrigue me for reference and assistance in writing projects.


I have been to Boston and I have been to Ireland three times and each time I have kept a writing photo journal of the trip. Inside these journals sits a wealth of knowledge that you cannot get from searching the web. Pictures that I took at that moment in time, that mean more than a snapshot of scenery you glance at from a book. Pamphlets I picked up of places I have been to and explored. Business Cards. Receipts. Flora and Fauna. It's in there, in these journals.

On Halloween the eve of Nanowrimo I gathered all my books on Ireland and two of my travel journals. My Irish road atlas dated coincidentally 1998 & 2000 (I always buy a map whilst on my trips and keep them). Placed them on my writing desk for easy access and reference.



As I started writing I had a scene set in Sligo County Ireland. On my second trip to Ireland we visited Sligo and I took pictures of this Castle called Mountbatten and then we drove out to Mullaghmore Head. Where I learned with a chill and goosebumps that ran up my arms, that the IRA had assassinated Lord Mountbatten by placing a bomb on his boat here in 1979. So yes.. I have stuff from that day, that location tucked away neatly in a journal. From there we went into Northern Ireland. At this time in my life I had no inkling that I would want to write novels.





I was struggling with Boston in 1997 on the internet. Suddenly it occurs to me that I have a journal on Boston sitting in the other room on a bookshelf from my trip I took there with my sister. I open it up and it is like a time capsule and coincidentally enough from the year 1998. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to have maps of Boston, photos and notes from 1998. Priceless. 


Coincidence. Fate. Yes.. I pretty much think I'm the shit today and I'm wearing a shit eating grin.




Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Blake


'Whats the greatest chapter in your book. Are there pages where it hurts to look. Whats the one regret you can't work through. You got it baby, mine would be you.'

I love those lines from this song by Blake Shelton. I actually really like many of Blake's songs but love those lines from his new one. "Mine would be you."

I wrote them down and posted them on my fridge, the words just touch a cord this month in my mind and heart.

I have been keeping up with my words for nanowrimo and today taking some 'me' time opposed to writing first thing on 'Tears of God'. I'm trying to figure out part of the storyline and struggling with it, so that means I need to focus on other things and other needs and it will filter through.

I Need to take a walk and get some exercise beyond walking to the post office.

I Need to watch a movie that provides inspiration.
I Need to stop thinking about that part of the plot so damn much and worrying about it.
I Need some chocolate.
I Need some cookies.

Rummaging around recently in my blog looking for something and found this quote that just hit the spot.
"Do what you want for yourself that makes you happy and the right man will find you there."
And apparently I'm rambling about nothing today with no focus.
Creativity and ideas have left the building.
Must go outside and interact with others.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Essence

Essence: The basic, real, and invariable nature of a thing or its significant individual feature or features.

I love that word. In writing today my words.. I called and asked Nick if I could use the essence of him, the part of him that writes, creates and sings songs out of the blue. I want two characters in my book to have that talent. Her Father and the main character. He said he would be honored.

So today I have wrote about that essence, the essence of Nick and his significant and individual talent of laying in bed, sitting on the couch wrapped in a towel, sitting on the toilet while I would take a bath and just write, sing or create a song. One for himself or one for me, pulling it out of thin air and making me smile with how much he liked me or making me laugh my ass off or making my heart melt with the beauty of the music he had in his head.

And this song always makes me think about the music in his head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4keD5Qvya4&list=RD9JkdBnT7j2I


Bittersweet another word I just love. The bittersweet memories of those very sweet moments with him are a treasure. And as I fight back longing for those moments while I write and think of him. It is also the bad memories and the heartbreak that is fitting for the somber mood of this book. Bittersweet...Because even though I'm talking about Nick in a blog today as if I saw him. I haven't. After the promise I made myself to have him pick up the rest of his stuff. After changing his address.

I also asked him to not come by anymore to visit, I just don't want to see him. 



Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The Spirit Mine



The other day while drinking a comment was made that hurt very badly. Sobering really and took all the fun right out of the day.

"I like them both the same."

I thought angrily, "I'm so much better than that." Then after days of thinking about it, I realized when I'm drinking I' am just the same. So I have spent much time thinking about this and I have come to the realization that if I give up drinking. I give up all the worst parts of me. I tried negotiating with myself. "I can only drink on Sundays or I will stay with the usual rule that I can only have one or two.

In all honesty I don't drink that much and do not enjoy losing control and being drunk. But I do like to drink. And when I drink I like to have fun. Sometimes I get mean. Sometimes I fight. Sometimes I'm angry. Sometimes I'm sad. And most of the time I don't like myself afterwards.

Reflecting on things said and done while drinking... I just don't like the weak parts of me that seem to shine while drinking.

I have also come to realize that I cannot compete with addiction and win. I'm an Aries and competitive by nature and this one battle I never seem to win. I have loved, lived and left addiction all my life and I never win the battle over it. That is because it is not my problem and it is not about me and it is not their fault or mine.

But to stop attracting it, loving it and trying to save them.. that is a tough one.

So the realization to remove addiction from my life, to stop attracting it, stop living with it has a flip side. I have to give up my own addictions. Also if I like myself better when not drinking then that is a solution in itself. While drinking I tend to attract the same things in my life that I don't like in my life.


It's a work in progress, changing yourself and your life.