Longing, desire and assailed by memories. Bittersweet. Yes that word describes my return after three weeks away from Marigold Loop. I slept upstairs above the garage where it all began three years ago. Since then we have lost the shuffling old man and the skittish dog. The return prompted by a family reunion and a house filled with kids not my own.
My sister picked me up from my house in Roslyn. My boys; adults and busy with their lives but popping into hang with Mom when they need her, so I left reluctantly in my mind to have to go back to a place I just left a little while ago. A place filled with hope, yet also of things I cannot have.
I met with my peeps and that was sweet too. The tripod is changing. Life is changing all around us and I decided that maybe it was for the best that I had to face and own up too this, assault on the senses. I'm ready to go home to that sweet mountain air; that I can now face up to in its own way, for its haunting memories mixed with all the new ones.
Vette and I watched Machine Gun Preacher last night. It was violent, sad and heartbreaking but showed a side of the world that we hide from. I have hollered the words 'be nice' a couple of times this weekend to my sister and then at her kids. I like people to be nice and kind to each other. Why do we have to be mean and hate?
Make love not war. That is a good line. I have always been accused of being a hippie and maybe they are right. But what is wrong with being nice and kind? There is definitely nothing wrong with making love and not war. Perhaps if more people were to make themselves happy with the pleasure of sex there would be less war, less useless violence and pent up rage. Even thoughts of sex have the power to melt me into a pliable kind giving person.
Bittersweet. Breaking down that word makes it not quite such a beautiful word...bitter. I never want to be an old women filled with lines of bitterness on my face. I want my lines to be as comma's around the eyes and mouth, showing laughter, happiness and a life filled with good times, great sex and even better moments.
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