Giving no clear indication of what this is. I called him that the other day Mr. Noncommital. The pressure from outside sources to name what we have going on is pressuring me... and I waver.
For many reasons I'm happy with the status quo but sometimes I do want to know where it is going or what we are calling this.
Everybody knows. Yes everybody does know. But we don't.
My last boyfriend might have been when I was about the age of eighteen. Then I was married for nearly twenty years. So one thing that is blatantly clear to me... I don't understand the rules.
We sit on the porch steps talking. The new month of September already bringing the changes in the air and hues of color in the day. An intense conversation. About needs and wants. I need to understand the rules of PDA or at least suddenly have the need to show it to each other. I need to be asked to do things in public as a couple and not as two people that are trying to hide it from a small town that just knows. He has never been anything but a boyfriend and is afraid of commitment, or losing his freedom to be the butterfly that he is. A social butterfly and friend to all. He has never been married and does not understand that type of commitment. Those are the needs and we are figuring out how to meet them or not.
I'm not the type of person who is clingy. I have my own life, interests and friends that allow me to be happy with doing my own thing. I'm not the type of person to be checking up on somebody. Sneaking peeks at phones or private matters.
I would love to take you to Thailand.
That sentence spoke volumes. It means he is not secure enough in his world to provide me with the things he thinks I need. But that is not what I need. Sure I would love to go to Thailand but the things I need are simpler than that. I just want to trust that he cares about me and that we do things together as a couple. I don't need a title, but I want to be able to trust that if we keep going they way we are going, that he treats me as the other half of the couple.
There... I think I figured it out.
Couple:
1
a : two persons married, engaged, or otherwise romantically paired
b : two persons paired together
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