Vivacious and Creative.

That is how I'm interpreted. What comes across from me in an interview. Not bad words all around. They did not offer me the job because of this, and this is not a bad thing.... They suggested that I might be more happy in a job within Amazon that allows me to write creatively. A job that is not stifling and boring. Encore. A group within Amazon that promotes books that did not make it the first time around. A fascinating suggestion to me.

I have spent some time thinking, as I do normally. But trying to focus on what I want in a job. Do I really want a job where I use all my creative abilities all day to have nothing left when I get home or do I want a job that I enjoy that leaves it available to me at the beginning or end of the day. I was faced suddenly again with a schedule change, faced with losing my mornings to write and having to work all day to not want to come home and write in the evenings.

So this morning it comes across my mind, do I really want a different job than the one I have now. I like it and do I want more responsibility? Because what I really want to do is write books and if I focus on moving up in the company I lose what I have gained. Time and desire to live my life the way I want. I'm happy and secure in the wage that I have now.

I think of Jill who sets next to me. She has moved all around Amazon and is back to the beginning because she is happy to just do what she is doing because there is not pressure in her life to do more than what she is doing and maybe that is not a bad thing I keep thinking. I can do what I do and have what I want just by staying where I am.

At this point in life I have to have a day job, but I know what I want to be doing in the future to support myself and to do this I need the time and desire to write to get there. The only other thing I want more is to be debt free and living in my own space.

They all combine together to get me there and it's working so why fuck with it?

I watched a movie last night called 'The Company Men' and while it was not fast paced, it had many lessons about our current recession and what is important. I went to bed and woke just ready to be and as I write this it all makes sense. It followed my life, losing a job and all it's trappings of "success" when all you really need is family and to work in a job that you are happy with. Living within your means. The job I have now, pays decently is easy and I can read, write, color and sew while doing it. Not a bad gig really.